Monday, February 25, 2013

Drawing Down from the Ethers, Order from Chaos

In sorting through all of the totes and bins of late. I happened upon some finished pillow covers, some I had made, the other, I purchased when on a trip to Paris.

The orange tree tapestry pillow cover from Paris
The one, is a cover I had made a long time ago from the same vintage fabric as the curtains in the living room. I have decided not to put anymore time into them, the next place, the bottom portion of the panels will be taken off. the polyester is a horrible choice. It doesn't hang well, the seam where it is attached is not pressed well, as it has a very LOW melting point. So, it will be refurbished in the new space or a later space. For now, it is a little dumpy, frumpy, cottage-ey look, that serves me just fine.
The frumpy cottage curtains

I have been considering tackling making a slipcover for my sofa, but that is a huge undertaking and a time commitment. Not sure I am ready to start something like that. Someday I will.  I have a couple of fabrics that I could work with, but none really capture the vintage cottage look I have now.

Then there is the idea of bedspreads and bedskirts. There are several fabrics that I have in mind for that too. But again, time and space commitment are challenging, the biggest challenge being, the unmade fabric takes less space and is easier to store than a finished slipcover, bedskirt or bedspread. So, I must take on those challenges first.

Well, this is good, if not now, when? Why?

Do you have silly excuses for not doing something? I can bet that if this is going on in my creative world, it is all over the place in other areas of my life as well.

Is it a matter of prioritizing? or simply taking action? (Taking action, apparently, isn't that simple for me!)

For some reason, I feel like I would make a bigger dent, working on smaller things. Things that take less time, less space and are easily given away. Really? Would I give anything I made away? I have a hard time parting with something I have put that much energy into. The other thing is, I know where all of my flaws are. I know the 'imperfections'. It would be horrible if others were able to find them. I would lose all credibility.

On the other hand, if it is a project that is particularly well executed, I would want to keep it. Because in my possession, I have proof, a reminder, a sample of my progress.

Does anyone else find this silly? Does anyone else have this circular way of thinking? Does it work for anyone else? It is very self defeating for me. I find that I am becoming more and more 'afraid' to jump in and do something because I am becoming so much of a perfectionist.

There is a difference between knowing and doing. Knowing is the concept, having worked all of the details out in one's mind ahead of time. Minimizing surprises, accurately predicting results and working out the theories and relationships ahead of time.

Doing, the practice of, is just that. It is a practice. It is taking the concept and all of its workings into an experiential world, a sensual experience. Sensual in that, it is experienced, not in the mind, as a concept is, but instead, by seeing, touching, hearing, tasting, smelling, emoting, a full-bodied experience.

It is the disappointment of something not being the way I want it that I am afraid of. I am my worst critic. "I know better" is my underlying statement. It is my inability to control matter that makes me absolutely crazy. In my life, I have been the observer. Watching relationships of people, things, colors, sounds, tastes, smells. A quest to understand the workings of physical matter in this material world.

That is my fascination with how design works. It is the source of the workings of reality. Taking an idea, a concept, a vision and drawing it down, through the ethers. First it is an illusion, a vague vision, in the deep recesses of the subconscious. It is a feeling, an emotion. It elicits a response. It then goes into the mental process or ordering, identifying and predicting. It is still not real. It is still a concept.

The emotion is the experience. To align with the feeling incited at conception.  It is this layering of the emotion to the desire that thrills and exhilarates.

The action of bringing all of the visualization elements into this reality, this dimension of being, is the business of laying vulnerable, ones power within the universe.  To know ones self and passions well, is a strong foundation, it is a channeling of energy to live one's truth. At those times in life, when, what one knows and what one experiences are so powerfully connected, a manifestation of confidence that is unmatched, is witnessed.  A confidence that is not mistaken for arrogance. It is the most alive feeling I have ever experienced.

A vision realized, almost

What is your most vivacious creative experience? What part of the process empowers you? What part of the process is your most vulnerable?  I would love to hear your comments, on your experiences, if you are relating at all to my experiences, or if the whole thing just doesn't make any sense to you at all.. or might I be crazy?

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